Monday, February 28, 2011

Watch what God does

I got hired by my husband to do his accounting for his business.  Well he has already been in business for 2 or 3 months and we just set up his Quickbooks account.  I have a 3 year old at home with me 3 days a week and I have housework and cooking.  Normally on the days my daughter is in school I do cleaning and cooking, but I'm thinking I will have to do my husband's accounting on those days, at least this week to catch up.  But it just so happens that I sat down for 2 hours and finished everything I needed to do.  Now tomorrow is cleared up for me to do what i normally do. Yay! 

Saturday, February 26, 2011

Making a life at home

One of the key things to being in the home full-time is making a life for yourself in the home.  I'm just beginning to learn what that means.  It means that the home has to function as a place for rest, a place for recreation, a place for teaching, a place for nourishment (mind, body, and soul), a place for work and most important, a place for love, and don't for get a place for intimacy.  Many families where children are in school full-time and parents work full-time don't spend much time in the home.  But for those of us who do stay in the home full-time we have to find a way to make "life" happen within those 4 walls.  I think it's a lot easier to figure that out for your children than it is to figure it out for yourself as a woman.

Friday, February 25, 2011

Mommy Guilt

 Update on "Being off Coffee" - I have had a couple sips but that's really it.   
 Right now I'm really feeling a little guilty.  God has me in a place where I have had to distance myself from my daughter a little bit and it's not easy.  God is changing the dynamics of how we operate a little bit and it's kind of uncomfortable even though I see His hand in it.  From the time Noah (my daughter) was born I have spent lots of time playing with her, teaching her, and going lots of fun places with her.  Recently a lot of this activity has stopped because it has become difficult to keep it up and she gives me and her daddy a very hard time when it comes time for us to stop playing with her and do something else.  I've noticed that it actually goes better if we just leave to her to herself when it comes to playtime.  I believe God is also teaching her during this time.  Matter-a-fact it's been going very smoothly just letting her be to herself during the day.  It doesn't stop the guilt of feeling like I'm neglecting her somehow.  At the same time I do know I couldn't keep doing what I was doing with her before, it was really wearing me out.  I'm hoping I can stay obedient in this place that God has me in so He can do everything He wants to do in me and in my daughter.  Even when our kids our young, God sometimes has us step aside for Him to work.     

Thursday, February 24, 2011

Functioning in the world again.

Since I had my very first child 3 years ago I feel like I have been to a certain extent removed from the world.  I went to the dentist today and it's been way to long to mention since i've been.  Even though I have extreme anxiety, I'm so glad I went.  It feels like I'm "functioning" again.  I'm now working for my husband's business, keeping his books on the accounting side.  It's nice to be off the hamster wheel of taking care of my daughter, sleeping, cooking cleaning.  This cycle gets old; and you welcome a healthy distraction from it.  It doesn't mean I'll stop the other stuff.  It just means those other things are not my only focus anymore.  Even now as I sit here, I need to clean the kitchen really bad, but that's not my only focus anymore.  Plus I'm learning that if it really needs to be done it will get done.  Thank God for that! 

Wednesday, February 23, 2011

Feel the tired

As a mentioned in my earlier post, I quit coffee today.  Now I am starting to feel tired.  I think that's a good thing.  At least I know I'm genuinely tired and not just on a caffeine crash.  It's also nice to not feel like I have to run from this feeling, I can face it head on without the help of caffeine.  A part of me is tempted to have just a little bit of coffee for a quick pick me up so I can do the kitchen.  But that's the issue I use to coffee to ignore a very crucial need.  A genuine need for rest.  I just can't do that anymore.  I believe to be ever present even in my exhaustion is also to be ever present in every other area of my life. 

Quitting Coffee today!

This is going to be my first day without coffee.  When I first started drinking coffee I didn't even like it.  I started working some long hours for my job and I started to drinking it to keep alert.  But then I started to become really attached to coffee.  Just to have a cup of it in my hand made me feel good.  As years have passed by it has become like a security blanket for me.   I have become to dependent on it for energy and it doesn't really even give me energy anymore.  I think it's time to let it go for awhile.  This is day 1 and I'm feeling fine.  A little lonely without my coffee mug.

Sunday, February 20, 2011

See it through

There have been many things that I have really wanted to do and I tried and couldn't see them through.  There have been many things I've wanted to do that I haven't tried to do.  Than there have been things that I wanted, tried and saw it through.  I started my relationship with Jesus Christ 9 years ago and one of the things I've learned is that I can't see anything completely through by my own power, I can only do it by the Spirit of God.  This theory has been tried and tested time and time again in my life.  See it's good to make plans, it's even good to have ideas and desires, wants and needs, but the answer to all those things comes from the Lord.  Reminds me of the scriptures below:

Proverbs 16:1
The preparations of the heart belong to man,But the answer of the tongue is from the LORD.
Proverbs 16:9
A man’s heart plans his way, But the LORD directs his steps.
Zechariah 4:6
So he answered and said to me: “ This is the word of the LORD to Zerubbabel: ‘ Not by might nor by power, but by My Spirit,’ Says the LORD of hosts.

I had noticed that I had lack of follow through in some things in my life, so I had to re-align my vision with God's plan so I could start having some follow through in my life again.

Friday, February 18, 2011

Delayed Gratification

I read an article today on Crosswalk.com and here is an excerpt from the article:

This life, precious gift and serious responsibility that it is, is not our reward. Our reward comes later - after this life. As a pregnancy ends in giving way to new life, our life here eventually gives way to eternal life - and we will experience this new life in a way we can now only imagine; living in God's presence, in perfection, and in community with all of the other Christ-followers who have come before us.

I think the thing that stuck out most to me, as a Christian, is "as a pregnancy ends in giving way to new life, our life here eventually give way to eternal life".  I have only 1 child so far and my pregnancy was very difficult. The life I have had so far on this earth has not been easy.  Now there is a certain amount of ease in my life because God has settled me.  But even within this ease there is a struggle, a degree of discomfort, an opposition.  These various internal conflicts will not go away on this side of eternity.  As long as I live in this flesh on this earth these things will be a part of every single day of my life and it is in a sense like a very long pregnancy.  But it's nice to know that this pregnancy will one day be over and will give birth to something greater than anything I've ever experienced or could ever imagine.  Trouble don't last always and that's comforting.  
Romans 8:18-19:
For I consider that the sufferings of this present time are not worthy to be compared with the glory which shall be revealed in us.
19 For the earnest expectation of the creation eagerly waits for the revealing of the sons of God.
  1. Romans 8:20
    For the creation was subjected to futility, not willingly, but because of Him who subjected it in hope;
  2. Romans 8:21
    because the creation itself also will be delivered from the bondage of corruption into the glorious liberty of the children of God.
    Romans 8:22
    For we know that the whole creation groans and labors with birth pangs together until now.


It is exciting to know that all of creation is waiting for this amazing event to happen. 

Thursday, February 17, 2011

Monthly mood cycles.

I think most of us know as women that some of the challenges we run into in terms of mood have to with hormones. I'm trying to get a better understanding of how my difficult moods correlate with different times of the month, so I can be better prepared for them and know how to respond.  Sometimes as women it's hard to control what's going on inside us simply because of hormones and i think during those times we just need to trust God and lean on His grace more.  And it feels great to know that we feel the way we do because of hormones instead of blaming a person or a certain set of circumstances.  Knowing your monthly mood cycle helps you get in the habit of stepping back and trying to understand your different moods instead of acting on them  This is very good habit to have.  There are obviously times where something is really wrong and you are genuinely upset, genuinely sad,; but other times we experience these same emotions when there is nothing really wrong, just our hormones.  I don't thing it's just hormones I think we all just have a monthly mood cycle in general even men.  I think to step back for 2 months and mark the days where you are feeling really down or just very touchy and see if it falls around the same dates every month.  It that's the case, it's probably just something that goes on chemically in your body during those times to help promote balance our lives.  If that is the case maybe we can prepare for those particular times of the month by lightning our stress load.  If we know this time is coming up we can lighten our work load and incorporate more personal time in your schedule, maybe schedule your manicures/ pedicures and/or massages around those times if those are things you do.  Maybe if you can schedule a babysitter a couple times for that week. I think these monthly moods cycles have a purpose, but you have to talk to God to discover that for yourself.

Wednesday, February 16, 2011

By Faith

Hebrews 11:23-31
23 By faith Moses, when he was born, was hidden three months by his parents, because they saw he was a beautiful child; and they were not afraid of the king's command. 24 By faith Moses, when he became of age, refused to be called the son of Pharaoh's daughter, 25 choosing rather to suffer affliction with the people of God than to enjoy the passing pleasures of sin, 26 esteeming the reproach of Christ greater riches than the treasures in Egypt; for he looked to the reward. 27 By faith he forsook Egypt, not fearing the wrath of the king; for he endured as seeing Him who is invisible. 28 By faith he kept the Passover and the sprinkling of blood, lest he who destroyed the firstborn should touch them. 29 By faith they passed through the Red Sea as by dry land, whereas the Egyptians, attempting to do so, were drowned. 30 By faith the walls of Jericho fell down after they were encircled for seven days. 31 By faith the harlot Rahab did not perish with those who did not believe, when she had received the spies with peace. 

This morning as I took my daughter to school I started to think about finances and expenses and started thinking in my mind what was going to need to be done.  But I knew I needed to slow down and pray and not act right away on anything.  I can be very excitable which is good and bad.  When I'm excited I can sometimes starting loading down my to-do list with all the things I want to get done.  I haven't even stopped and prayed.  I think it's great to be excited about the day but you have to stop and pray.  I think of another scripture below as I type this:


1 Kings 19:9-13
9 And there he went into a cave, and spent the night in that place; and behold, the word of the LORD came to him, and He said to him, “What are you doing here, Elijah?”
10 So he said, “I have been very zealous for the LORD God of hosts; for the children of Israel have forsaken Your covenant, torn down Your altars, and killed Your prophets with the sword. I alone am left; and they seek to take my life.”11 Then He said, “Go out, and stand on the mountain before the LORD.” And behold, the LORD passed by, and a great and strong wind tore into the mountains and broke the rocks in pieces before the LORD, but the LORD was not in the wind; and after the wind an earthquake, but the LORD was not in the earthquake; 12 and after the earthquake a fire, but the LORD was not in the fire; and after the fire a still small voice.
13 So it was, when Elijah heard it, that he wrapped his face in his mantle and went out and stood in the entrance of the cave. Suddenly a voice came to him, and said, “What are you doing here, Elijah?”
Some Commentary for the above scriptures is below, it's from Matthew Henry

The question God put, What doest thou here, Elijah? is a reproof. It concerns us often to ask whether we are in our place, and in the way of our duty. Am I where I should be? whither God calls me, where my business lies, and where I may be useful? He complained of the people, and their obstinacy in sin; I only am left. Despair of success hinders many a good enterprise. Did Elijah come hither to meet with God? he shall find that God will meet him. The wind, and earthquake, and fire, did not make him cover his face, but the still voice did. Gracious souls are more affected by the tender mercies of the Lord, than by his terrors. The mild voice of Him who speaks from the cross, or the mercy-seat, is accompanied with peculiar power in taking possession of the heart.




God really helps me keep things in perspective.  I don't feel God wants me going through life like a whirlwind.  For me he has chosen a simple, quiet, slow life.  One that goes against the very fabric of our culture.  Anytime my thought life begins to conflict with the simplicity the God has given our family I have to stop and pray.  The scriptures above talk about faith which I needed to be reminded of and they talk about how God was not in the wind, the earthquake, or the fire.  He chose a "still small voice".  Your mind has to be quieted before you can hear that "still small voice".  Based on a recommendation from our pastor, if I'm having problems quieting my mind then I look up some Christian hymms and just recite the words.  I let the words quiet my soul.  Now my mind has slowed down and I can be led by God through my day.   

 

Tuesday, February 15, 2011

Things already starting to change

I have went from struggling with some specific things to
praying about those things while still knowing it was going to take some time
Now, God is changing these things and really has been all along. 

Things are really looking up in our home.  Well, this blog was created for me to document my journey and struggles in making our home into the refuge that the Lord wants it to be for our whole family. 

Well, today my daughter was home with a little stomach virus.  It turned out to be a very short bout and she was feeling better and eating pretty early in the day.  Well, that left me with an entire day with my schedule thrown off.  My daughter is usually in school on Tuesdays and I fully expected her to be today until she started spitting up last night.  I decided to spend the day doing the things I enjoy most - writing and playing my Sims game.  In the past I've felt like I've been in kind of a bondage to playing with my daughter.  Feeling like I had to play with her everyday.  But today I held back and kept a certain amount of distance for a good part of the day, and I waited to see what would happen.  Well, I was pleasantly surprised!  It seems my daughter can play very well by herself for the entire day.  She played very creatively all day by herself and did not bug me to play with her at all and then at around 3pm she sat down on the couch and took a nap.  She is napping now.  Maybe I don't have to be in bondage to her wanting me to play with her anymore.  Maybe it's time for us to turn a corner and my home can be a place to play and rest even for me, even during the day. Hooray. Have you heard the saying "The children shall lead them".  Well, there has been a small nudging on my heart for a while directing me to just observe my daughter.  My daughter loves being at home, while I have really been struggling with that aspect of my life.  Maybe my daughter can teach me how to  love being at home too!  She is off to a great start!  Up until about 1 month ago I was doing a lot of learning activities at home with her.  I've had to pull back from that and I'm hoping God will return me to it at some point.  Sometimes God just has to knock down the whole building to re-build it even BETTER!  If God has something better in mind for you never settle for the "good" always go for the "better".  Pray for me.

Be Not Afraid

“Be not afraid, ’tis I, ’tis I,
Though the storm rages wild;
In thy sore need I’m passing by,
Off’ring to help thee, hear thy cry—
Be of good cheer, My child.”

Refrain:
“Be not afraid, ’tis I,
Be not afraid, ’tis I”;
Though wild winds blowing,
My bark o’erflowing,
God rules in earth and sky:
“Be not afraid, ’tis I,
Be not afraid, ’tis I”;
The storm can’t harm my trusting soul,
For Jesus walks the waves that roll;
His voice I hear, which calms my fear,
“ ’Tis I, be not afraid.”

Be not afraid, ’mid pressing foes,
Jesus is watching near;
He all thy deepest sorrow knows,
Walked every step thy pathway goes;
Trust Him, then; do not fear.

Be not afraid, He knows thy heart,
And He doth care for thee;
Of all thy grief He shares a part,
Stands by thy side, He’ll not depart,
If thou wilt faithful be.

Be not afraid, O helpless one,
Trust in His boundless grace;
Say from the heart, “Thy will be done,
Finish the work Thou hast begun,
Bring me to see Thy face.”

Words: Barney E Warren (1911)


Be not afraid to sit still.
Be not afraid to have fun and relax
Be not afraid to let you mind rest from you chores
Be not afraid to let your child be
Be not afraid to let you family be

Fear of Freedom

I was reading an article, written from a Christian Perspective about what's going on right now in Egypt.  The author referred back to what happened when God brought the Isrealites out of Egypt.  Remember they made the God's for themselves.  Well the author of the article makes the following comment:

They were free, but their fear of freedom kept driving them back to tyranny, if only the tyranny of their own wills.

This statement made me think about how society responds to freedom on an individual level.  When you meet a person that seems to "free" if you will, does it make you nervous?  Does it make you judge them?  Do they appear unstable? Do they appear irresponsible?  Do they appear to not be living in  the "real world"?


 

Monday, February 14, 2011

Triggers

I guess I should name this post "Triggers and how we respond to them".  We all have psychological triggers.  Some triggers promote healthy behavior and some promote not so healthy behavior.  The scripture below comes to mind when thinking about this:

Phillipians 4:8
8 Finally, brethren, whatever things are true, whatever things are noble, whatever things are just, whatever things are pure, whatever things are lovely, whatever things are of good report, if there is any virtue and if there is anything praiseworthy—meditate on these things.

My parents were divorced when I was very young, therefore I spent a significant amount of time in both their homes growing up.  The problem was that my mom was extremely neat and my dad was disgustingly dirty in the way he kept his surroundings.  I live with my mom, but my dad's place was so dirty that I would almost always come home to my mom sick.  They lived in 2 separate states.  As a very young child I learned survival techniques to cope with the visits to my dad.  It still makes me sick to even think about the conditions I endured there.  My mom's house was my "safe place".  In addition to the filth, there was also abuse there.  I was physically abused there.  My mom's house was my safe place.  Fast forward to now.  I'm living with my husband and daughter and although they are not "dirty" in the way they keep their surroundings, it seems that when crumbs are on our wood floor, or when there is black lint on our white carpet, or when the sink has food in it, or when the counters and dining room table are dirty or just things not being tidy; it sets off this trigger in me that says things are so dirty and I have to do something about it.  The problem with that is things are normally not that bad.  It's just that a little dirt to me, triggers something that makes me feel out of control like at my dad's house.  The reason I'm addressing this now is because this issue is robbing me from my present moments.  I think about whether or not things are "clean", way too much.  It's not healthy.  So I'm going to meditate on the scripture I mentioned above and with my next impulse to clean, I'm going to examine myself to make sure I'm responding to a genuine desire and not fear of losing control.  When it's fear I'm experiencing I will just give my fear over to God and not respond to that trigger.  That particular trigger is rooted in a place in my life that no longer exists, I cannot continue to respond as if it does.  I just have to tell myself, I am not in my father's house anymore and I don't need this coping mechanism anymore.  I need to re-evaluate my relationship with our home and how we keep it.  The relationship I have with our living environment is largely based on my mom and dad.  2 very opposite extremes.  It's not possible for me to live out either one of those extremes in my life.  So I have to take a step back and develop my own unique relationship with my living surroundings, some thing where I can be comfortable and thrive.  It can't be a comfort that it based on control. 

Don't get distracted

I heard people say things like "Life if what you make it"  "You decide your destiny".  I think these sayings are true to an extent.  We do have choices in life.  Sometimes the hard thing is focusing on what is going to be the "best" life for you and your family.  Our family has chosen a life that is of a slower pace, my husband has his own business and I am a full-time homemaker.  My daughter goes to school 2 days a week and has gymnastics on Monday evening.  Most of our time is spent in our home.  This has been hard for me since I was one of those people that couldn't sit still before I got married.  Although I have matured since then, it's still hard.  But I see how God has used our slower pace of life to keep us healthy as a family, it is absolutely undeniable!  But we live in a face paced culture so it's hard.  I think that you can choose to live a fast paced life and go for the gusto, but you could be sacrificing your health in some instances and your relationships.  I'm not saying that's bad.  I'm just saying that we pick and chose what's important to us in our lives and then we pursue that.  Everybody is different, God made us different.  For me the most important things are a stable home..............gotta go, I'll be back later. 

Sunday, February 13, 2011

Up and Dressed

Well, I did it.  This is the first morning I actually got up, got dressed, did my hair and cooked breakfast.  I made sure I was dressed with my hair and makeup on before I cooked.  I decided to use the "5 Hour Energy" shots instead of coffee.  I find that does a better job at waking me up than coffee.  Hopefully I will eventually develop getting up and getting dressed as a strong enough habit where I won't need "5 hour energy".  But that is a long shot, I haven't been a morning person since I was very young.  .  But "5 hour energy" helps to make me more of a morning person. 

Saturday, February 12, 2011

Concluding the day

Well, it seems that I'm in a season of revelation about my life.  I have to admit it's nice.  There are things I've been thinking I ought to be doing but wasn't convinced that what I was sensing was correct so I didn't act on those things.  But now it seems as God is showing me exactly why I should be doing certain things.  Like when I get up in the morning doing my hair, makeup, and getting dressed first thing in the morning before I do anything else.  In theory this sounds good but I am a Stay-at-home mom and the motivation wasn't there to do it, even though I had read about many good reasons why you should start your day that way, but that just wasn't enough.  For some reason, God has chosen now to show exactly why I should do it and the impact it's having on me, my energy level and productivity if I don't.   So I'll start tomorrow.  There is another aspect of my routine with my daughter that I have been holding on to and I believe the Holy Spirit is nudging me to let it go.  It's one of those things I've been nervous about letting go of for a variety of reasons.  It's been a nudge that I've sensed in my heart since December.  I believe with this particular thing I need to test it for a week and see if this is truly something God is leading me to do.  Very happy about the prospect of my life and energy changing for the best!!

Can't pull back

Noah, has been not only a picky, but also a demanding child from the time she was a baby.  She is 3 now.  Trying to be there for her has often caused me to pull back from things I've wanted to do.  Put things on the back burner.  I don't regret that. But I don't feel like I can do that anymore, I feel like I have to forge ahead no matter how much my daughter tries to pull me in the opposite direction.  I've backed down many times before but I can't now.  There is a degree of movement that needs to take place in my life right now and I can't ignore the nudging that I sense.  It's going to be a challenge because I've done things in a totally different state of mind for the past 3 years.  But with the nudging assistance of the Holy Spirit I believe God will help me to stay in the right direction with the right momentum.   

Woke up grouchy

Last night hubby and I went to dinner while Noah was doing the Parent's Night Out at her school.  It was nice and we needed it.  Had a very strong Chocolate Martini.  Too strong.  I was done by the time I got home and got our daughter to bed.  I'm kind of grouchy this morning for a couple reasons.  #1 I have nothing prepare for breakfast because I haven't been able to get to the store this week.  #2 I allowed myself to foresee a day that would look like every other day of the week which is no fun #3 I feel like a terrible mom because my daughter has been eating "junk" for the last 2 days.  Although I feel this way right now, the day will probably turn out fine.  I mean this is just how it is when you have really young kids.  and "No, my grouchiness has nothing to do with the Chocolate Martini" just in case you were thinking that. 

Friday, February 11, 2011

Little by Little

I have been toying with the idea of working little by little towards something.  I feel like my learning how to "keep home" has been just that.  But now, I'm looking to work towards some dreams that I have,,, like my website that caters to woman in every area of their lives.  I love reaching out to other women,  women are so beautiful to me inside and out.  I figured it's time for me to start working on realizing this dream little by little.  That means the following:

1.  Working little by little on my website. The pictures below are some of the graphics.  The first one I want to frame it with watermarks of the face shots of different women, I would need models for that.  The 2nd one is the website/ministry logo

2.  I just want to start reaching out to women in small ways.  I love to encourage and build other women up and I hope this blog will be a part of accomplishing that.

Friday Already!

Wow it's Friday already.  These weeks are going by quickly.  It's still early in the morning and I am kind of still waking up.  I'm not a morning person, but my 3 year old is very much an early bird.  She wakes at around 6:30am faithfully everyday.  I hope I wake up at some point today, lately I get tired just at the thought that I am going to be spending the whole day with our 3 year old.  She is pretty demanding, but I don't think it's her as much as it is me.  I've been at home full-time for almost 4 years now and I'm finally ready to step out and put my own twist on this role.  Being at home full-time has been a unique opportunity for me because it has forced me into a position where you have to get to know myself and be very comfortable with what I find out.

Today is just as much of a challenge as any other day but we are going over a friends house that I haven't seen in awhile.  I'm looking forward to that.  My husband and I are debating whether or not we are going to take advantage of the "Parent's Night Out" at my daughter's school.  Lord knows I could use any amount of time I can get to take a break from the routine of my 3 year old.  They are certainly creatures of habit.  If you don't take a break your days will all be the same.    

Thursday, February 10, 2011

Husband's Words

My husband has really been building me up this week and affirming things through our conversation.  There have been times in the past where my husband has tried to encourage me and it's gone through one ear and out the other but for some reason his words to me this week have stopped me in my tracks and made me take notice.  They have been words that my heart has been open to and ready to receive in a way I've never experienced before in our marriage.  He really does like the direction I've been going with my life, my thoughts, and the decisions I've been making recently.  We are really truly becoming "one" in this marriage.  Beginning to walk the same path together.  It feels real good!

Where is the time?

Taking time to reflect as a mother and a wife is not easy.  There is constantly something to do that would seem to the detriment of your family if you don't.  But I believe it's a detriment to your family if you don't take time to reflect.  I have been having some issues in my life that I believe I have been linking to the wrong things.  A couple years before I got married, I came out of working a normal 9 to 5 job and started my own internet based business.  In those years I became faced with various struggles.  Depression and anxiety attacks being the major one's and up until now I have been tinkering with the idea that maybe I wasn't meant to be "in the home" whether working from home or being a homemaker.  But as I reflect, I don't think it's that at all.  I don't believe the things I went through had anything to do with whether or not I was meant to work in the home.  I do believe that it was a time that God could use to help me face some things about myself that would of surface at some point, regardless of what I was doing. 

Back to taking time to reflect.  As I sit here enjoying writing this blog and having the internal dialogue, I'm also struggling what the pull of what I need to be doing around the house right now and how it will affect my family or my day tomorrow if I don't do it.  I believe it's something I need to do and give myself ample time to do it.  My motive for it, is actually my family.  I believe God has given my something very special to be able to give to my family on a daily basis, something that will add warmth and life to our home in a way that is not going to come through a "home cooked"  meal, a clean house, or structured home activities for our preschooler.  While I believe all these things are good, I think that there is a time where these things must be neglected for something of much more value.  And in saying that the situation with Mary and Martha from the bible comes to mind:

38 Now it happened as they went that He entered a certain village; and a certain woman named Martha welcomed Him into her house. 39 And she had a sister called Mary, who also sat at Jesus’[k] feet and heard His word. 40 But Martha was distracted with much serving, and she approached Him and said, “Lord, do You not care that my sister has left me to serve alone? Therefore tell her to help me.”
41 And Jesus[l] answered and said to her, “Martha, Martha, you are worried and troubled about many things. 42 But one thing is needed, and Mary has chosen that good part, which will not be taken away from her.”

The part that stands out to me is when Jesus said "Mary has chosen that good part".  I take that to mean that Mary has chosen what's best.  Surely Jesus didn't think that Martha wanting to serve was bad, but it was taken her away from the better part of what she needed to be doing.  When you daily routine and to-do list start taking you away from something better that you can offer to your family then it's time to reflect and re-evaluate.  I have felt this tug for at least a year, but the fear lies in what will suffer as a result and will God meet me in this place or will it be something that ends in vain with no good fruit.  The biggest fear is "Will God meet me".  Will God meet in this place of reflection or will I find myself there all alone. 

Knowing your cycle

I believe knowing our seasons and cycles is really important to our growth as individuals but our overall contentment with life.  As a stay-at-home mom I have a lot of control over my own environment and that can be a good thing and a bad thing.  A good thing if you can handle coming face to face with certain struggles you have, a bad thing if you don't know how to respond to those struggles.  I think in the hustle and bustle of "single" life there are a lot of things that you don't have to face about yourself and therefore do not deal with.  But when you start a family and life slows down that all changes.  Here it is Feb 10, 2011 and here is what I'm reporting:

It's Thursday and one of the 2 days a week that my daughter is in school.  In the past I have destined the day for getting chores done around the house, cooking nourishing meals, errands, and so on..............however lately I have been feeling like I'm on a hamster wheel and it's taking away from my productivity.  Slowing down to tend to myself is uncomfortable.  I think there are times where we need to push through and stick to our routines and I think there are times when we need to switch them up.  That's why knowing our cycle is important.  I believe our lives our cyclical in these ways and if we payed enough attention we would start to recognize the times we need to switch up and the times we need to ride it through until the mood passes.  I think in becoming a Christian this is an area of my life I've ignored for a long time because it's something that has been ignored by the Christian Community for the most part.  Women especially have suffered for it.  God has put seasons and cycles in place in nature for a reason and it's important to come to understand the seasons and cycles in our own lives, so that we may respond accordingly and with wisdom.  Most people are just looking for stable lives.  Not lives full of extreme ups and downs.  This blog is my effort to stop and take notice of myself and what I'm going through, to determine whether it needs a response at all and what that response should be.   I know it does need a response.  When you feel like you are on a "Hamster Wheel" regarding your routine, it doesn't mean something is wrong with your routine.  When you have lost productivity within your routine, and you are tired all the time..............that could mean you need a "jolt"...maybe shake things up a bit by switching up your routine.  My husband said that when we take a break from our routine.  It helps us be more diligent when we return to it.  It's Feb 10th and I need a jolt or maybe a better word is resuscitation which is medically defined as "is an emergency procedure which is attempted in an effort to return life to a person in cardiac arrest"  When they perform the procedure there is a "jolt".  In order to resuscitate myself in order to return to my routine in a more productive, full of life way I will do the following.
1.  Stay up late (I've been night owl for awhile, but I force myself in bed around 11pm every night because I know I have to get up at 7am to take care of daughter)
2.  Use my daughter bathroom instead of my own for showering (Her bathroom has a much warmer atmosphere than our master bathroom, our master bathroom has a cold feel to it, when we move I think I will want our master bathroom to be a more traditional design instead of these big jacuzzi tubs and such.  It's more work and it just doesn't seem cozy.
3.  Have friends over (I grew up in an environment where people where always coming by our house, my parents entertained guest without entertaining, they just had a knack for it.  It's no wonder there were few weekends where our driveway wasn't full of cars.)  Not to mention, I've always been a people person and have always struggles when time with being with friends and family had to come to an end.

That's what I'm doing and I will report the results. I believe that we get in certain moods when we ovulate and knowing how to respond to these moods will help us lead more contented lives.  I want to hear from other women out there.  I'm a people person and I want some cyber friends to join me on my journey and interact with me.

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