Skip to main content

Posts

Showing posts from February, 2011

Watch what God does

I got hired by my husband to do his accounting for his business.  Well he has already been in business for 2 or 3 months and we just set up his Quickbooks account.  I have a 3 year old at home with me 3 days a week and I have housework and cooking.  Normally on the days my daughter is in school I do cleaning and cooking, but I'm thinking I will have to do my husband's accounting on those days, at least this week to catch up.  But it just so happens that I sat down for 2 hours and finished everything I needed to do.  Now tomorrow is cleared up for me to do what i normally do. Yay! 

Making a life at home

One of the key things to being in the home full-time is making a life for yourself in the home.  I'm just beginning to learn what that means.  It means that the home has to function as a place for rest, a place for recreation, a place for teaching, a place for nourishment (mind, body, and soul), a place for work and most important, a place for love, and don't for get a place for intimacy.  Many families where children are in school full-time and parents work full-time don't spend much time in the home.  But for those of us who do stay in the home full-time we have to find a way to make "life" happen within those 4 walls.  I think it's a lot easier to figure that out for your children than it is to figure it out for yourself as a woman.

Mommy Guilt

 Update on "Being off Coffee" - I have had a couple sips but that's really it.      Right now I'm really feeling a little guilty.  God has me in a place where I have had to distance myself from my daughter a little bit and it's not easy.  God is changing the dynamics of how we operate a little bit and it's kind of uncomfortable even though I see His hand in it.  From the time Noah (my daughter) was born I have spent lots of time playing with her, teaching her, and going lots of fun places with her.  Recently a lot of this activity has stopped because it has become difficult to keep it up and she gives me and her daddy a very hard time when it comes time for us to stop playing with her and do something else.  I've noticed that it actually goes better if we just leave to her to herself when it comes to playtime.  I believe God is also teaching her during this time.  Matter-a-fact it's been going very smoothly just letting her be to herself during the da

Functioning in the world again.

Since I had my very first child 3 years ago I feel like I have been to a certain extent removed from the world.  I went to the dentist today and it's been way to long to mention since i've been.  Even though I have extreme anxiety, I'm so glad I went.  It feels like I'm "functioning" again.  I'm now working for my husband's business, keeping his books on the accounting side.  It's nice to be off the hamster wheel of taking care of my daughter, sleeping, cooking cleaning.  This cycle gets old; and you welcome a healthy distraction from it.  It doesn't mean I'll stop the other stuff.  It just means those other things are not my only focus anymore.  Even now as I sit here, I need to clean the kitchen really bad, but that's not my only focus anymore.  Plus I'm learning that if it really needs to be done it will get done.  Thank God for that! 

Feel the tired

As a mentioned in my earlier post, I quit coffee today.  Now I am starting to feel tired.  I think that's a good thing.  At least I know I'm genuinely tired and not just on a caffeine crash.  It's also nice to not feel like I have to run from this feeling, I can face it head on without the help of caffeine.  A part of me is tempted to have just a little bit of coffee for a quick pick me up so I can do the kitchen.  But that's the issue I use to coffee to ignore a very crucial need.  A genuine need for rest.  I just can't do that anymore.  I believe to be ever present even in my exhaustion is also to be ever present in every other area of my life. 

Quitting Coffee today!

This is going to be my first day without coffee.  When I first started drinking coffee I didn't even like it.  I started working some long hours for my job and I started to drinking it to keep alert.  But then I started to become really attached to coffee.  Just to have a cup of it in my hand made me feel good.  As years have passed by it has become like a security blanket for me.   I have become to dependent on it for energy and it doesn't really even give me energy anymore.  I think it's time to let it go for awhile.  This is day 1 and I'm feeling fine.  A little lonely without my coffee mug.

See it through

There have been many things that I have really wanted to do and I tried and couldn't see them through.  There have been many things I've wanted to do that I haven't tried to do.  Than there have been things that I wanted, tried and saw it through.  I started my relationship with Jesus Christ 9 years ago and one of the things I've learned is that I can't see anything completely through by my own power, I can only do it by the Spirit of God.  This theory has been tried and tested time and time again in my life.  See it's good to make plans, it's even good to have ideas and desires, wants and needs, but the answer to all those things comes from the Lord.  Reminds me of the scriptures below: Proverbs 16:1 The preparations of the heart belong to man,But the answer of the tongue is from the LORD. Proverbs 16:9 A man’s heart plans his way, But the LORD directs his steps. Zechariah 4:6 So he answered and said to me: “ This is the word of the LORD to

Delayed Gratification

I read an article today on Crosswalk.com and here is an excerpt from the article: This life, precious gift and serious responsibility that it is, is not our reward. Our reward comes later - after this life. As a pregnancy ends in giving way to new life, our life here eventually gives way to eternal life - and we will experience this new life in a way we can now only imagine; living in God's presence, in perfection, and in community with all of the other Christ-followers who have come before us. I think the thing that stuck out most to me, as a Christian, is "as a pregnancy ends in giving way to new life, our life here eventually give way to eternal life".  I have only 1 child so far and my pregnancy was very difficult. The life I have had so far on this earth has not been easy.  Now there is a certain amount of ease in my life because God has settled me.  But even within this ease there is a struggle, a degree of discomfort, an opposition.  These various internal confl

Monthly mood cycles.

I think most of us know as women that some of the challenges we run into in terms of mood have to with hormones. I'm trying to get a better understanding of how my difficult moods correlate with different times of the month, so I can be better prepared for them and know how to respond.  Sometimes as women it's hard to control what's going on inside us simply because of hormones and i think during those times we just need to trust God and lean on His grace more.  And it feels great to know that we feel the way we do because of hormones instead of blaming a person or a certain set of circumstances.  Knowing your monthly mood cycle helps you get in the habit of stepping back and trying to understand your different moods instead of acting on them  This is very good habit to have.  There are obviously times where something is really wrong and you are genuinely upset, genuinely sad,; but other times we experience these same emotions when there is nothing really wrong, just our ho

By Faith

Hebrews 11:23-31 23 By faith Moses, when he was born, was hidden three months by his parents, because they saw he was a beautiful child; and they were not afraid of the king's command. 24 By faith Moses, when he became of age, refused to be called the son of Pharaoh's daughter, 25 choosing rather to suffer affliction with the people of God than to enjoy the passing pleasures of sin, 26 esteeming the reproach of Christ greater riches than the treasures in Egypt; for he looked to the reward. 27 By faith he forsook Egypt, not fearing the wrath of the king; for he endured as seeing Him who is invisible. 28 By faith he kept the Passover and the sprinkling of blood, lest he who destroyed the firstborn should touch them. 29 By faith they passed

Things already starting to change

I have went from struggling with some specific things to praying about those things while still knowing it was going to take some time Now, God is changing these things and really has been all along.  Things are really looking up in our home.  Well, this blog was created for me to document my journey and struggles in making our home into the refuge that the Lord wants it to be for our whole family.  Well, today my daughter was home with a little stomach virus.  It turned out to be a very short bout and she was feeling better and eating pretty early in the day.  Well, that left me with an entire day with my schedule thrown off.  My daughter is usually in school on Tuesdays and I fully expected her to be today until she started spitting up last night.  I decided to spend the day doing the things I enjoy most - writing and playing my Sims game.  In the past I've felt like I've been in kind of a bondage to playing with my daughter.  Feeling like I had to play with her everyda

Be Not Afraid

“Be not afraid, ’tis I, ’tis I, Though the storm rages wild; In thy sore need I’m passing by, Off’ring to help thee, hear thy cry— Be of good cheer, My child.” Refrain: “Be not afraid, ’tis I, Be not afraid, ’tis I”; Though wild winds blowing, My bark o’erflowing, God rules in earth and sky: “Be not afraid, ’tis I, Be not afraid, ’tis I”; The storm can’t harm my trusting soul, For Jesus walks the waves that roll; His voice I hear, which calms my fear, “ ’Tis I, be not afraid.” Be not afraid, ’mid pressing foes, Jesus is watching near; He all thy deepest sorrow knows, Walked every step thy pathway goes; Trust Him, then; do not fear. Be not afraid, He knows thy heart, And He doth care for thee; Of all thy grief He shares a part, Stands by thy side, He’ll not depart, If thou wilt faithful be. Be not afraid, O helpless one, Trust in His boundless grace; Say from the heart, “Thy will be done, Finish the work Thou hast begun, Bring me to see Thy face.” Wo

Fear of Freedom

I was reading an article, written from a Christian Perspective about what's going on right now in Egypt.  The author referred back to what happened when God brought the Isrealites out of Egypt.  Remember they made the God's for themselves.  Well the author of the article makes the following comment: They were free, but their fear of freedom kept driving them back to tyranny, if only the tyranny of their own wills. This statement made me think about how society responds to freedom on an individual level.  When you meet a person that seems to "free" if you will, does it make you nervous?  Does it make you judge them?  Do they appear unstable? Do they appear irresponsible?  Do they appear to not be living in  the "real world"?  

Triggers

I guess I should name this post "Triggers and how we respond to them".  We all have psychological triggers.  Some triggers promote healthy behavior and some promote not so healthy behavior.  The scripture below comes to mind when thinking about this: Phillipians 4:8 8 Finally, brethren, whatever things are true, whatever things are noble, whatever things are just, whatever things are pure, whatever things are lovely, whatever things are of good report, if there is any virtue and if there is anything praiseworthy—meditate on these things. My parents were divorced when I was very young, therefore I spent a significant amount of time in both their homes growing up.  The problem was that my mom was extremely neat and my dad was disgustingly dirty in the way he kept his surroundings.  I live with my mom, but my dad's place was so dirty that I would almost always come home to my mom sick.  They lived in 2 separate states.  As a very young child I learned survival t

Don't get distracted

I heard people say things like "Life if what you make it"  "You decide your destiny".  I think these sayings are true to an extent.  We do have choices in life.  Sometimes the hard thing is focusing on what is going to be the "best" life for you and your family.  Our family has chosen a life that is of a slower pace, my husband has his own business and I am a full-time homemaker.  My daughter goes to school 2 days a week and has gymnastics on Monday evening.  Most of our time is spent in our home.  This has been hard for me since I was one of those people that couldn't sit still before I got married.  Although I have matured since then, it's still hard.  But I see how God has used our slower pace of life to keep us healthy as a family, it is absolutely undeniable!  But we live in a face paced culture so it's hard.  I think that you can choose to live a fast paced life and go for the gusto, but you could be sacrificing your health in some instan

Up and Dressed

Well, I did it.  This is the first morning I actually got up, got dressed, did my hair and cooked breakfast.  I made sure I was dressed with my hair and makeup on before I cooked.  I decided to use the " 5 Hour Energy " shots instead of coffee.  I find that does a better job at waking me up than coffee.  Hopefully I will eventually develop getting up and getting dressed as a strong enough habit where I won't need "5 hour energy".  But that is a long shot, I haven't been a morning person since I was very young.  .  But " 5 hour energy " helps to make me more of a morning person. 

Concluding the day

Well, it seems that I'm in a season of revelation about my life.  I have to admit it's nice.  There are things I've been thinking I ought to be doing but wasn't convinced that what I was sensing was correct so I didn't act on those things.  But now it seems as God is showing me exactly why I should be doing certain things.  Like when I get up in the morning doing my hair, makeup, and getting dressed first thing in the morning before I do anything else.  In theory this sounds good but I am a Stay-at-home mom and the motivation wasn't there to do it, even though I had read about many good reasons why you should start your day that way, but that just wasn't enough.  For some reason, God has chosen now to show exactly why I should do it and the impact it's having on me, my energy level and productivity if I don't.   So I'll start tomorrow.  There is another aspect of my routine with my daughter that I have been holding on to and I believe the Holy Sp

Can't pull back

Noah, has been not only a picky, but also a demanding child from the time she was a baby.  She is 3 now.  Trying to be there for her has often caused me to pull back from things I've wanted to do.  Put things on the back burner.  I don't regret that. But I don't feel like I can do that anymore, I feel like I have to forge ahead no matter how much my daughter tries to pull me in the opposite direction.  I've backed down many times before but I can't now.  There is a degree of movement that needs to take place in my life right now and I can't ignore the nudging that I sense.  It's going to be a challenge because I've done things in a totally different state of mind for the past 3 years.  But with the nudging assistance of the Holy Spirit I believe God will help me to stay in the right direction with the right momentum.   

Woke up grouchy

Last night hubby and I went to dinner while Noah was doing the Parent's Night Out at her school.  It was nice and we needed it.  Had a very strong Chocolate Martini.  Too strong.  I was done by the time I got home and got our daughter to bed.  I'm kind of grouchy this morning for a couple reasons.  #1 I have nothing prepare for breakfast because I haven't been able to get to the store this week.  #2 I allowed myself to foresee a day that would look like every other day of the week which is no fun #3 I feel like a terrible mom because my daughter has been eating "junk" for the last 2 days.  Although I feel this way right now, the day will probably turn out fine.  I mean this is just how it is when you have really young kids.  and "No, my grouchiness has nothing to do with the Chocolate Martini" just in case you were thinking that. 

Little by Little

I have been toying with the idea of working little by little towards something.  I feel like my learning how to "keep home" has been just that.  But now, I'm looking to work towards some dreams that I have,,, like my website that caters to woman in every area of their lives.  I love reaching out to other women,  women are so beautiful to me inside and out.  I figured it's time for me to start working on realizing this dream little by little.  That means the following: 1.  Working little by little on my website. The pictures below are some of the graphics.  The first one I want to frame it with watermarks of the face shots of different women, I would need models for that.  The 2nd one is the website/ministry logo 2.  I just want to start reaching out to women in small ways.  I love to encourage and build other women up and I hope this blog will be a part of accomplishing that.

Friday Already!

Wow it's Friday already.  These weeks are going by quickly.  It's still early in the morning and I am kind of still waking up.  I'm not a morning person, but my 3 year old is very much an early bird.  She wakes at around 6:30am faithfully everyday.  I hope I wake up at some point today, lately I get tired just at the thought that I am going to be spending the whole day with our 3 year old.  She is pretty demanding, but I don't think it's her as much as it is me.  I've been at home full-time for almost 4 years now and I'm finally ready to step out and put my own twist on this role.  Being at home full-time has been a unique opportunity for me because it has forced me into a position where you have to get to know myself and be very comfortable with what I find out. Today is just as much of a challenge as any other day but we are going over a friends house that I haven't seen in awhile.  I'm looking forward to that.  My husband and I are debating whet

Husband's Words

My husband has really been building me up this week and affirming things through our conversation.  There have been times in the past where my husband has tried to encourage me and it's gone through one ear and out the other but for some reason his words to me this week have stopped me in my tracks and made me take notice.  They have been words that my heart has been open to and ready to receive in a way I've never experienced before in our marriage.  He really does like the direction I've been going with my life, my thoughts, and the decisions I've been making recently.  We are really truly becoming "one" in this marriage.  Beginning to walk the same path together.  It feels real good!

Where is the time?

Taking time to reflect as a mother and a wife is not easy.  There is constantly something to do that would seem to the detriment of your family if you don't.  But I believe it's a detriment to your family if you don't take time to reflect.  I have been having some issues in my life that I believe I have been linking to the wrong things.  A couple years before I got married, I came out of working a normal 9 to 5 job and started my own internet based business.  In those years I became faced with various struggles.  Depression and anxiety attacks being the major one's and up until now I have been tinkering with the idea that maybe I wasn't meant to be "in the home" whether working from home or being a homemaker.  But as I reflect, I don't think it's that at all.  I don't believe the things I went through had anything to do with whether or not I was meant to work in the home.  I do believe that it was a time that God could use to help me face some

Knowing your cycle

I believe knowing our seasons and cycles is really important to our growth as individuals but our overall contentment with life.  As a stay-at-home mom I have a lot of control over my own environment and that can be a good thing and a bad thing.  A good thing if you can handle coming face to face with certain struggles you have, a bad thing if you don't know how to respond to those struggles.  I think in the hustle and bustle of "single" life there are a lot of things that you don't have to face about yourself and therefore do not deal with.  But when you start a family and life slows down that all changes.  Here it is Feb 10, 2011 and here is what I'm reporting: It's Thursday and one of the 2 days a week that my daughter is in school.  In the past I have destined the day for getting chores done around the house, cooking nourishing meals, errands, and so on..............however lately I have been feeling like I'm on a hamster wheel and it's taking aw