Saturday, January 28, 2012

My life's mission-simplicity

In the culture we live in it is very hard to slow down. It doesn't even seem like the right thing to do. We are living on the technology superhighway where everything happens so fast. When I was young my dad says I would go outside on my bike in the morning and not return until around 4 pm. ThT is one of my fondest memories of my childhood, the freedom I had to explore. My dad lived in Hanover park, Illinois . In a suberb where people left the doors unlocked with no fear of being robbed or harmed. There were lotsnof kids and I spent my days riding my dirt bike, building and jumping bike ramps, and just hanging out doing kid things. I use to go to the pool twice a day sometimes. I was just an outdoor type of girl who enjoyed playing and connecting with friends. I never forget that about myself childhood because it says a lot about who I am today and the life I desire for my family. I hear from old neighbors where my mom lived, that I enjoyed turning over rocks. Even at my mom's house I was always outside playing, probably up until I got into middle school and other things started to get my attention, like boys. Instead of going outside I would be on the phone. Imguess I followed the path of many young ladies, however the older I got the more cramped I felt in my life. I started to miss a simpler life. I think most ofnus would like a simpler life. Do not get me wrong I am not talking about running from the responsibilities that come with being an adult. I am talking about living a life that is enriching and rejuvenating. It is my dream for my family to have a lifestyle that goes against the fast pace of the culture we live in. I want us to live somewhere where we can enjoy outdoor recreation and God's beautiful creation, a place where our children have the freedom to be kids. I want a family life that consist of some t.v., and other technology etc. But I am more interested in things that will awaken the mind and the spirit. Spending time with God, reading, spending time with friends and family, spending time outdoors. As our family life is now I feel there is a lot of work we need to do in terms of how we spend our time. We live in too much of a shell that is of our own invention. I am praying to god to help us to break out of that shell. As I said in my last post I realize I cannot drW conclusions on how this is going to happen or whTmit is going to look like but I can grunt thT as I allow this marinat on my heart as it has been, that god will provide themeans and desire to bring it to pass.

Thursday, January 26, 2012

I use to be the type of person that would sense something on my heart, draw my own conclusions and react right away. I would sense a burden on my heart and then I have to do something about it right away.. Howevr god has shown me another way, in his grace and mercy. I obviously still have a way to go and I am even reluctant to write about this because I do make so many mistakes. But I am so very grateful for the things it seems god is confirming in my life after letting things marinate on my heart for quite a long while. He is confirming some things about how I am to govern myself with my family as we move to a new stage in our lives. There are areas of life where I thought I was being overprotective of my 4 year old daughter. But god has shown me that I was just using the wisdom he has given me about my own child. But I am glad that I stepped back and let him show me instead of assuming I was doing right. There can be some bumps in the road while your waiting for god to respond to the things on your heart but I believe it is worth it when you wait on him because you cannot be influenced as much by others concerning those decisions. He is also showing me how to be patient while shepherding a child's heart without giving up. There are some ares of "life at home" where I have really had to pull in the reigns in with Noah. While I have in the past I have let her slide on a lot of things, she is hold enough to be held more accountable for her actions. Teaching her to respect her parents authority is a big one right now. She does really well with it away from home, but she has been allowed so much freedom and now that she is a little older she needs to learn to respect our authority better so that we can have a "peaceful" home. Yes, I believe it is possible to have a peaceful home, with young children present, well......it depends on what you're definition of "peace" is. To me a "peaceful" home just means a healthy pace of life in the home that promotes balance and health in our lives. Lately I have felt like that was slipping away. I woke up this morning realizing I could not go another day without seriously addressing that I was not happy with the current pace of " home life". I just knew that today was the day where this issue would start to seriously be addressed. Now up until today I feel like Noah has been pretty much setting the pace of our lives at home. Not good at all. A 4year old is not the individual that you want setting the pace in your life. It says in the bible that children are a reWard from the lord. They are to be enjoyed by us. But if we start letting them control our lives it will be hard to enjoy them. I have made some changes and I have enjoyed myself today more than I have in a long time. While I hate to stay on Noah constantly, there is a time and habits that need to be broken for noah's own good and the health of our family. While there are some things that are not easy to teach to children. I am thinking that if I persevere it will yield great fruit.

Tuesday, January 24, 2012

Finding serenity in the chaos

I sincerely believe we all need to have a quiet place to escape to. Children might not know it, but they do to. It is not always easy to find that place in the "chaos". I am starting something today that is going to help myself and my daughter to have a quiet place. I have noticed that my daughter has a real issue with knowing when and how to slow down and take a rest. Now I know she is only 4, but I have noticed that her body cannot take her running around constantly, busy, busy, busy like she could when she was a toddler. It takes it's toll on her health. Because she is an early riser, does not take naps and stays busy; she really needs downtime forced upon her.I need it to. We get up and I take her to school and I take care of the things I have to get done for the day, then I go pick her up around 3pm. Normally I have already had a full day and she wants me to play with her as soon as we get home from school. I play with her until 4:30. Then it is time to cook dinner. While I appreciate our time together I Feel like my life is cluttered when it comes to time. I need to.clear it out. It is a perfect opportunity for this issue because we are moving. Believe physical clutter can clutter up you time. I will star taking baby steps to clear out the physical clutter. 2 steps a day. Starting today.
1. Wash all my laundry
2 buy another bingo pack some more stuff up and some type of wicker basket to collect excess things in the living room before we go off to school

Monday, January 23, 2012

Something has got to change

I am coming from a genuine, real, and spiritual perspective right now.  I say that because.  We all have days where we have the "blahs".  We all have days where we fill overwhelmed.  We all have days where we feel like "it's just too much".  But very rarely do I have days where an honest assessment reveals that I am very unhappy with some of my current circumstances.  Very rarely do I have days where I realize that I can't live one more day the way I have been doing things.  Very rarely do I have days where I realize, I have to make a change and somebody is about to lose out. 

Friday, January 20, 2012

Be still and wait

"Be still and wait" How many parents say that to their little ones throughout any given day? Many times they do not listen. It is literally on of the hardest things for kids to do. But it is also one of the most valuable things they can learn to do. As I am teaching my 4 year old I try to stay focused on teaching her things that are going to be of most value in her relationship with God. I do realize her most successful life will come from foundational principles that will help her in her relationship with god even more so than academics. I do feel like learning how to wait and be still at times should be one of the most important lessons her dad and I need to teach her. Another lesson is that god is near her and her very present help in her time of need, like when she gets scared at night, teaching her that even though mommy and daddy are sleep, god never sleeps and is always protecting her.

On another note. I have found lately that ther is so much I want to get done in any given day but not enough time to get it all done. So I have decded instead of looking foe the latest "Busy Moms" book for advice, I have to start my day off with god and consult him to see what I am to focus on in any given day. I feel like relying on myself to order my day have caused some very important aspects of my life to suffer. Like reaching out to loved ones in different ways. That really has been the thong that has laid heaviest on my heart.

Wednesday, January 11, 2012

Laziness vs. Design & Enemy attack vs. God's hand

In the past I have focused alot of my writing to paying attention to how God designed us and what to do with our strengths and weaknesses.  Women fall victim to comparing themselves to other women alot.  The bible says this is a foolish thing to do.  We look at other women who are doing certain things "better" or "differently" and we question our own adequacy in that area.  Just like when the enemy tempted Eve to eat the fruit from the tree which God commanded us not to eat from .  The enemy told us how eating this particular fruit would change us, "make us better" if you will.  Or so we thought.  We saw something we thought could make us better and believed the "lie".  We have been believing it ever since.

With all that in mind, I got to thinking today.  I am naturally a very "at ease" person.  I'm not very structured, I'm guess I'm a little loose with things.  I have tried time and time again for years to put myself on a more structured schedule and do things in a more structured way in my life.  The fruit is always fustration for my family and I.  When I'm "at ease"  and operating in my normal, "kind of loose" fashion, the fruit is always peace and joy.  While being structured and organized can sometimes "feel" good to me.  It's always short lived and the joy and peace of my family that gets sacrificed for it, is never worth it to me.  I have been told in the past that I need to try harder, that I just need to keep being persistent, etc. etc.  I believe some people have seen me as passive and sometimes I've asked myself "Am I just lazy?".  After years and years of trying to be something that I'm not, I'm starting to realize that certain things just are not a part of how God designed me.  I know that the Lord is a God of decency and order.  But I also think the church has kind of put their own spin on what "Decency and Order" means or what it should look like.  I think a lot of it comes from what the rest of the world says it's suppose to look like.  I am starting to see that there is a divine order in what some might think as "chaos".  I'm not giving myself a ticket to be lazy, because I really enjoy being productive in my life.  But I am beginning to realize that God only knows how to work "His order" into my design.  I'm not saying there is something wrong with organized people.  Everybody is designed differently.  I'm just saying you shouldn't beat yourself up because you are not like someone else and we should be sensitive to our design and the fruit that results from going about life a certain way.

The lessons I have mentioned above has also given me a little insight on whether something is an "Enemy Attack" or "God's Hand" at work.  In the past, when I have been trying to move forward in certain things that seemed like "Godly" moves to make in my life I have been restrained in different ways from doing it.  I have been told by some it's the enemy but I have learned that a lot of it was God's hand trying to guide me.  One of the differences between a "Enemy attack" and the "Hand of God" is that you can overcome a enemy attack.  You can never overcome the "Hand of God".  Honestly if you spend time in God's word daily, He can help you discern between when it's the enemy coming against you vs. when it's God trying to keep you from moving in a certain direction.  While it's not always easy to tell, there is always a "peace" that accompanies the hand of God in your life while a Enemy attack makes you feel discouraged, beat down, and inadequate.  God does not make you feel that way when His hand is guiding you.  God makes you feel confident, empowered, and able to overcome any attack from the enemy.  I find for myself that when I am trying to go against the "Hand of God" it comes out in a sort "striving" type of manner.  But when I am overcoming an enemy attack it manifests in the form of perserverance.

I love my family and I want to give them something precious everyday.  I believe that precious thing is letting God work through how He designed me.  I believe this is one of the greatest things I can do for my husband and children.        

Monday, January 9, 2012

Th universe, the heavens, the seasons, and the earth. These things all so brilliantly designed and weaved together with such detail and such precision to work perfectly together. What if god uses that same degree of brilliance and precision when working in our lives, shouldn't we trust him. What's funny is that when I look at my life on the surface it doesn't appear to work with nearly as much brilliance, precision, and beauty as the planets and the stars and the sun, the moon and the seasons. But when I take a closer, deeper look I see. I see how god has created in me an attitude that is more relaxed, at ease, and peaceful. This has impacted my husband and my daughter in positive ways. I am becoming more comfortable with everything not looking on the outside the way I want it to, as .long as everything on the inside is functioning the way it is suppose to. I see a thriving business that god has blessed and created a place for my husband and I to work together. I see our daughter who seems to grow closer to her relationship with god everyday. A little girl who is thrilled and excited about god. I see my relationships with family members outside my home getting stronger and closer. And yes what god is doing in my life is brilliant. Even the mess I see sometimes when I look around my home is all a prt of that brilliance. It is a brilliant mess because it is not without purpose. Cheers to the brilliant mess that is my life. Do not look at things as the world looks at things or evaluate things by the worlds standards. God only works in brilliant ways and if he is working in your life, if you look a little deeper you will see how brilliant your life really is.

Thursday, January 5, 2012

Resolve

I do spend a lot more time reading about god and reflecting on his word than I spend writing. I believe what god has to say to me is much more important than what I have to say to anyone else. But today I felt a need to write about my"resolve". There are times in my life where I come to realize there are certain ways of going about life that are just never going to work for you. One of the things that has been a question mark in mind has been "how much time with god is 'enough' time before I start my day's work?". To share a little bit about me; I am absolutely not a morning person so getting up before sunrise to spend time in the word and prayer that early does not work for me. Now I know king David did it and Jesus did it, but I am neither of them. I have tried on quite a few occasions and it just did not work for me. But it is important for me to do it before I get into my days work, because it helps me to pace myself, prioritize, and rest in Jesus in the process. However, I have chosen on some occasions to not take too much time in devotion with god or to skip it all together because I just had "to much to do" and I felt like I could use that time more effectively elsewhere. However, that is a lie. It is just like the tithes. Sometimes you might not pay tithes because you think you need that money for something else. It seems like so much to give when you consider all of your expenses. It is my sincere belief that if you give to god what is his even when it seems like a lot, that he can stretch what little you have left far beyond what you could ever do with his tithe. I believe he is trying to show me the same thing with my "time". Once I get to focusing and reflecting on god, hours could go by. When I think about what else I could be getting done with that time...........but god deeply desires for me to pursue him, seek after him, and to be captivated by him and when that happens god can do more with the little bit of time you have left than you could have done with the hours you spent with him. I have told myself that if I do not push myself to do stuff than it will never get done. I am a wife and a mom now I cannot spend my time basking in in the glory of god, can I? But I know one thing, when I rush through my day trying to get countless things done; when I hit the ground running, something is missing. God has designed me to take life slowly with a certain degree of ease in everything. I have seen it in myself from the time I was a little girl; I would go to Chicago for the summer to visit my dad and on many days I would leave sometime in the morning on my bike and I would not return until around 4ish in the afternoon covered with mud and dirt, no regard for dinner time or schedule. Stepmom was not happy. While everyone was groomed and ready to go out and eat, I was a muddy mess, because I had spent time riding my bike at a park called babe ruth, through muddy trails, jumping bike ramps, and riding down steep hills. Having the time of my life! While I ha schedules with school, work, etc; there has always been a deep yearning tom get out of the "rat race" as I called it.

So here I am. Work from home with my husband with 1 daughter and a son on the way. While I will not be riding through any parks on my dirt bike, I can in fact loose myself in the glory of god on occasion. But I do not allow myself to. I rarely allow myself to get lost in anything good. My resolve from this moment on for my whole life long is to allow myself to get lost in the glory of god, to allow myself to get lost in the time I spend with my children and last but definitely not least, to get lost int the adoration and strength of my husband.

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