My downward spiral into the abyss of "worry and obsession"

 I got consumed with concern and worry this week and obsessive about some other things that I won't mention.  All I will say is that it sent me spiraling into this abyss, cycling in and out of "worry" and "obsession", then "worry" again and "obsession" AGAIN.  Worried about some things going on in my son's first grade class and obsessing about work and money.  That was my week "worrying and obsessing".  It consumed me, I don't think I did anything else until today and I can't believe it's Friday.  The whole week spent in "worrying and obsessing" I Can't even tell you how badly I needed to blog today. This is truly my therapy.  Well I actually have a few "therapies"  If you haven't already noticed that I'm a mess, I'm sure I will have you convinced after reading this post.  Here we go!!!

I have been watching a new Netflix series called the "Innocents", which I have stopped watching by the way because I'm a wimp and it started to get a little creepy for me.  But one of the things that stands out, about the main characters, is this:  They have triggers that cause them to morph into someone else.  Well, I think we all have triggers that can cause us to not be our true selves. I have noticed this with myself.  I can be feeling fully myself one day and then 2 days later not feeling or acting anything like the woman that I know myself to be.  I really don't like doing that anymore.  I really do love who I truly am, who God made me to be.  I want to be fully present, in that, as much as possible.  I have some triggers that keep me from doing that and maybe you do as well.  Below are a list of my triggers:

1.  Exhaustion (Mental, emotional, physical, or spiritual)
2.  Rigidness of routine - I'm not engaging in a diversity of activities throughout my daily routine
3.  Toxic mental focus

Any one of these 3 triggers can cause me to become a bit "manic".  When you look up "manic" in the dictionary it could mean  a number of things when applied to a person or situation.  Manic describes an internal situation that occurs that can be described as hectic, intense, unbalanced, unhinged.  There is essentially a disconnect that happens between me and my true self.  Then I have to put my energy toward plugging into who God created me to be.  This morning I thought about that Netflix series (Innocents) and the characters don't only have triggers but they have a mantra that helps them to calm down and re-center.  The mantra is different for every character.  It's based on their personal lives and experiences.  That made sense to me.  We should all have a mantra, something we say to ourselves to re-center.  Something that connects you back to your true identity.  I don't know what mine is yet but I know that God has shown me that I have a problem transitioning my focus from one type of activity to another. He has also shown me that I get fixated on a task, in one area of my life, and neglect the others.  In doing this, I also neglect many aspects of who I am because I am only fixated on one aspect of who I am and what I can produce.  This causes a disconnect not only between me and my true self but also between myself and God.  These triggers create barriers to my spiritual, mental, emotional, and physical health and well being.  We are all different.  Different in our strengths and weaknesses.  Because of that we all need a unique, individual blueprint for how we live our days out.  I am coming to realize that I have to stay away from becoming fixated on anything.  It's just so easy for me to do so.  I have to intentionally schedule my time to guard against it.  This is where schedules are good.  Make your schedule your servant.  I have to organize my schedule to guard against the triggers that create barriers to my growth and well being.  How do I do this?  Where do I start?
One place to start is by recognizing every morning that I cannot become fixated on any one person, thing, or task.  Also recognizing that I must fill my days with a diversity of activities that contribute to my health and well being.  I must learn to transition, from one activity to the next, gracefully.  What does that look like for me?  Hopefully sharing this part of my journey will help others as well.  What does that look like for me?  The activities that contribute to my health and well being on a daily basis are the following:

1.  Spending time with God and studying His word
2.  Working or engaging in something that contributes to my financial wellbeing
3.  Exercising my gifts such as teaching and writing (e.g. my blog allows me to do both)
4.  Physical exercise preferably outdoors. (I am one of those people that needs alot of Vitamin D from the sun)
5.  Expressing my artistic gift through spoken word or painting
6.  Serving the community or the world at large (this happens through my blog as well and through my video bible studies.
7.  Spending quality time with  my family
8.  Devote time to the upkeep of our home,.

There is a picture what a perfect day would look like.  Honestly, many of these things are accomplished in one task.  Like typing this blog right now, I'm teaching, I'm writing, I'm serving my readers in the community and throughout the world by offering insight.  Now, this isn't about perfection and doing all this everyday but this is a guide/blueprint that helps me to stay centered.  It's not a checklist either.  These are just reminders that our God is a God of abundance and plenty.  Plenty of time and money to do the things that make for an abundant life.  The biggest challenge to most people is NOT that they don't know what they need to do.  The biggest challenge is that we don't want to do, half the things, that we know we need to do.  We just don't feel like it.  Most of the time I don't feel like it.  Let me tell you something, living life to our fullest potential goes against everything in our flesh.  We have to rely on Spirit.  We have to trust Spirit.