Marriage.................................It's not easy. It is a colorful creation full of ups and downs, highs and lows. And some desperate times. It cannot be done without God. It is His invention and only He can navigate you through it. But marriage is worth fighting for. You don't always have the energy to fight anymore and that's ok. It's ok to not be ok. It's ok to not be ok with your marriage. It's ok to not be ok with your life. Just know that not being ok, with your marriage, doesn't mean that it's over. Not being ok, with your life, doesn't mean that its over.
In the last couple weeks I have struggled with temptations of epic magnitude. God has seen me in my struggle. Struggling with my emotions. Struggling with my desires. Struggling to stay faithful. He saw me. He didn't look at me and say "I can't believe you are thinking this". He didn't look at me ans say "I can't believe you are doing this". My knowing that He would not react to me this way. Knowing that I could do nothing to keep him from accepting and loving me..............................I felt comfortable going to Him and talking to Him about all these things. I did not feel condemned nor ashamed in His presence. I don't care what mess you are in, if you go to God, you will not feel ashamed in His presence. It is not His nature to make you feel shame. It is His nature to love you, to heal you, and to provide reconciliation and restoration in your relationships.
As I said before, these last couple weeks I struggled with temptation of epic proportion. But I spoke to God and contended with God. This is one of the scriptures that was brought to my attention:
Isaiah 1:18 Come now, and let us reason together,” Says the Lord, “Though your sins are like scarlet, They shall be as white as snow; Though they are red like crimson, They shall be as wool.
The scripture, above, is what God spoke to me as I struggled with temptation that could have been detrimental to my marriage. God spoke to me morning after morning and he helped me to speak with my husband about our marriage. It was the best fight ever...............The best fight ever. When you love God and are called according to His purpose He works all things out for your good. He will even use the current temptation, you are struggling with, to heal your marriage. My temptation drove me to go to my husband, in desperation, to convey my pain and my struggles. He spoke to me the most heartfelt words I have ever heard him speak. The magnitude of the truth, he spoke, was more epic than any temptation I was struggling with. He reached his hand into my heart and touch it like it had never been touched before. In that moment our marriage experienced and huge growth spurt. God did not allow me to do anything that would destroy or compromise our marriage. He kept me, even when I didn't want to be kept. He kept me. I was nervous about sharing this but I had to because no matter how strong a marriage is, the struggles and temptations will come. You have to know that you are not strong enough to save yourself. But God will save you if you put you trust in Him. All God wanted me to do was believe Him when He spoke Isaiah 1:18 to me. I believed Him and I trusted His process.
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