Thursday, February 10, 2011

Where is the time?

Taking time to reflect as a mother and a wife is not easy.  There is constantly something to do that would seem to the detriment of your family if you don't.  But I believe it's a detriment to your family if you don't take time to reflect.  I have been having some issues in my life that I believe I have been linking to the wrong things.  A couple years before I got married, I came out of working a normal 9 to 5 job and started my own internet based business.  In those years I became faced with various struggles.  Depression and anxiety attacks being the major one's and up until now I have been tinkering with the idea that maybe I wasn't meant to be "in the home" whether working from home or being a homemaker.  But as I reflect, I don't think it's that at all.  I don't believe the things I went through had anything to do with whether or not I was meant to work in the home.  I do believe that it was a time that God could use to help me face some things about myself that would of surface at some point, regardless of what I was doing. 

Back to taking time to reflect.  As I sit here enjoying writing this blog and having the internal dialogue, I'm also struggling what the pull of what I need to be doing around the house right now and how it will affect my family or my day tomorrow if I don't do it.  I believe it's something I need to do and give myself ample time to do it.  My motive for it, is actually my family.  I believe God has given my something very special to be able to give to my family on a daily basis, something that will add warmth and life to our home in a way that is not going to come through a "home cooked"  meal, a clean house, or structured home activities for our preschooler.  While I believe all these things are good, I think that there is a time where these things must be neglected for something of much more value.  And in saying that the situation with Mary and Martha from the bible comes to mind:

38 Now it happened as they went that He entered a certain village; and a certain woman named Martha welcomed Him into her house. 39 And she had a sister called Mary, who also sat at Jesus’[k] feet and heard His word. 40 But Martha was distracted with much serving, and she approached Him and said, “Lord, do You not care that my sister has left me to serve alone? Therefore tell her to help me.”
41 And Jesus[l] answered and said to her, “Martha, Martha, you are worried and troubled about many things. 42 But one thing is needed, and Mary has chosen that good part, which will not be taken away from her.”

The part that stands out to me is when Jesus said "Mary has chosen that good part".  I take that to mean that Mary has chosen what's best.  Surely Jesus didn't think that Martha wanting to serve was bad, but it was taken her away from the better part of what she needed to be doing.  When you daily routine and to-do list start taking you away from something better that you can offer to your family then it's time to reflect and re-evaluate.  I have felt this tug for at least a year, but the fear lies in what will suffer as a result and will God meet me in this place or will it be something that ends in vain with no good fruit.  The biggest fear is "Will God meet me".  Will God meet in this place of reflection or will I find myself there all alone. 

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