Monday, May 23, 2011
Keep hitting a crossroad
Was doing some praying about wisdom this morning and I learned from Proverbs 14:8 that the wisdom of the prudent is to understand his way. I am struggling a little bit with that right now in my life. I don't know what I should be focused on with Noah and with my own tasks and I'm trying to understand my way in this season. There is an area of great struggle concerning Noah right now. Boundaries with play time with her father and I. When we leave her to her own devices she seems fine but when we start to engage in play or activities with her she doesn't want to let us stop and we have a fit on our hands. She is constantly asking us "Will you play with me?" Even when we are in the car on the way home she is asking "You play with me when we get home?". Even while we are playing with her she says "You want to play with me?". It's getting out of hand. The thing that concerns me is I don't really want to be all or none but that what it seems like we are going to have to do. I feel like God did that to me in a sense. I feel like when I had first gotten saved and I was a baby in Christ, God was all in my face constantly doing things in my life to get and keep my attention. But not long after, probably about 2 or 3 years I felt like He stepped away. It took me awhile to understand it. But God knows my personality and He knows what was necessary for me to mature as a Christian. I have matured as a result. I'm wondering if I need to do the same thing in Noah's life right now. It's hard for me because I want to make sure she is learning all the things that children need to learn at this age. I'm scared to take that step back that God did with me. But I beginning to think it's a necessary step for Noah and her relationship with God. I might be standing in the way of what He wants to do in her if I don't take heed. I never understood why God kind of stepped back in my life and started doing things differently while still affirming the same talents and gifts; but He obviously wants to produce something in me. Maybe He wants to produce something in Noah as well. Maybe He is using her to send me a message. I think I struggle with the fact that when I step back it poses a problem for me because I don't really know what to do with myself at home with a 3 year old, not playing with her or doing activities with her. I really feel like God is trying to use Noah's issue to address an issue with me. What does He want to show me?