Thursday, January 5, 2012

Resolve

I do spend a lot more time reading about god and reflecting on his word than I spend writing. I believe what god has to say to me is much more important than what I have to say to anyone else. But today I felt a need to write about my"resolve". There are times in my life where I come to realize there are certain ways of going about life that are just never going to work for you. One of the things that has been a question mark in mind has been "how much time with god is 'enough' time before I start my day's work?". To share a little bit about me; I am absolutely not a morning person so getting up before sunrise to spend time in the word and prayer that early does not work for me. Now I know king David did it and Jesus did it, but I am neither of them. I have tried on quite a few occasions and it just did not work for me. But it is important for me to do it before I get into my days work, because it helps me to pace myself, prioritize, and rest in Jesus in the process. However, I have chosen on some occasions to not take too much time in devotion with god or to skip it all together because I just had "to much to do" and I felt like I could use that time more effectively elsewhere. However, that is a lie. It is just like the tithes. Sometimes you might not pay tithes because you think you need that money for something else. It seems like so much to give when you consider all of your expenses. It is my sincere belief that if you give to god what is his even when it seems like a lot, that he can stretch what little you have left far beyond what you could ever do with his tithe. I believe he is trying to show me the same thing with my "time". Once I get to focusing and reflecting on god, hours could go by. When I think about what else I could be getting done with that time...........but god deeply desires for me to pursue him, seek after him, and to be captivated by him and when that happens god can do more with the little bit of time you have left than you could have done with the hours you spent with him. I have told myself that if I do not push myself to do stuff than it will never get done. I am a wife and a mom now I cannot spend my time basking in in the glory of god, can I? But I know one thing, when I rush through my day trying to get countless things done; when I hit the ground running, something is missing. God has designed me to take life slowly with a certain degree of ease in everything. I have seen it in myself from the time I was a little girl; I would go to Chicago for the summer to visit my dad and on many days I would leave sometime in the morning on my bike and I would not return until around 4ish in the afternoon covered with mud and dirt, no regard for dinner time or schedule. Stepmom was not happy. While everyone was groomed and ready to go out and eat, I was a muddy mess, because I had spent time riding my bike at a park called babe ruth, through muddy trails, jumping bike ramps, and riding down steep hills. Having the time of my life! While I ha schedules with school, work, etc; there has always been a deep yearning tom get out of the "rat race" as I called it.

So here I am. Work from home with my husband with 1 daughter and a son on the way. While I will not be riding through any parks on my dirt bike, I can in fact loose myself in the glory of god on occasion. But I do not allow myself to. I rarely allow myself to get lost in anything good. My resolve from this moment on for my whole life long is to allow myself to get lost in the glory of god, to allow myself to get lost in the time I spend with my children and last but definitely not least, to get lost int the adoration and strength of my husband.

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