"Fear" is the thing that's been on my mind. I have realized something about my past. When I left corporate America and became self-employed about 10 years ago, there was something that kept popping up in my relationships with my customers..............I found that every client, that I had, wanted to either place me on staff or partner with me in a more permanent business relationship. What did I do??! I turned them down each and every time. Why????? At the time it was never my initial intention to establish such permanent relationships. But it always came up in a matter of time. Well, God has chosen to show me the real reason why I turned them down. It was fear. Fear of what? I believe it was fear that I would disappoint them. Fear that a permanent relationship would not live up to their expectations. Fear that my contribution to their organization would end up being a dud in a more permanent relationship. Fear that my contribution in a temporary relationship would not hold up in a more permanent relationship. The best way to describe it is "Fear that what my client believed about me, would turn out not to be true"
What does all this say about what I believe about myself? Have I doubted what God has placed in me? Am I scared of finding out that what I thought I could do is not real?? Well, it's come time for me to stop running. I can't hide anymore.
The reason I'm writing about this is because there has recently been a shift in my life and this familiar "fear" popped up and I had to explore it and find out what was really going on. I'm excited to say "Now is the time to face this fear and overcome it". This is a statement I have never made before but God has brought me face to face with this and He is ready for me to conquer it. I'm 100% sure of it.
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