Real Confessions, real money problems, don't judge

Diary of a broke adult

Thursday 6:47

It was 5:05 on a Thursday.  I got home feeling down about my bank account being so low on funds again.  I open my bank app, type in my password and realized that I only have eight dollars and some cents in my account.  I know my husband put money in my account.  When I take a look at the transactions, I see that he put $40 in my account yesterday.  Where did it all go???  I hadn’t been out spending money.  I notice a charge from the Family Mart, in my neighborhood.  It was suspect because I thought that had already hit my account.  I performed a search of transactions with “Family Mart” and something from the barbershop, that I take my son to, came up.  Now I knew that I had some problems with their system, that day, when I took my son to get his hair cut.  They couldn’t perform the transaction and after one attempt, we cancelled it. I went to the ATM to get cash, to pay.  I’m looking at this transaction like “What!!!!??  They charged me double for one haircut! That’s where the money went!”  As a “broke” adult, I immediately call them and let them know that I got charged twice because I paid with cash.  I went up there right away to collect the refund.  However, as I walked out of there, something told me to check the date of the transaction……………….This could not be a good sign.  I go back to my online banking app to check the date of the transaction and it turns out that they did not charge me twice.  I have had them refund me money that they don’t owe me!!!  I feel terrible. I have mistakenly taken money that doesn’t belong to me.  I totally feel like this wouldn’t be happening if I wasn’t “broke”.  As soon as I get back home I tell my kids to go in the house and I sit in the car, nearly in tears, at the thought that my “brokenness”  has caused me to accuse a very kind business establishment of something they didn’t do,  and take money that isn’t mine.  And now I still have to ask my husband to put more money in my account.  I sit and I hold back the tears.  As someone that held at least 2 jobs all the way through high school, I hate being “broke”.  I truly hate it at this point.  I have a really special hate reserved for it, at this point.  Really special!!  So special that, as my husband comforted me with the fact that it won’t remain this way, a list was forming in my mind about all the reasons to never be broke.  Here is the list:

1. 1.       Mental energy that you could be spending on your relationship with God, your relationship with your husband, your relationship with your kids, and your relationship with yourself is spent on trying to budget and figure out ways to make money. That’s not where I want to spend my precious energy

1. 2.      Good habits get destroyed.  When you are broke, you don’t like going to the store.  Not even to buy things that you need.  It’s such a mental exercise to go, because you are on such a tight budget, and that produces bad feelings.  Then the “store” becomes a trigger for bad feelings even when you have money.  You are more reluctant to go.  When that happens, you get out of the habit of shopping for things that you need and/or desire.  You also get out of the habit of going to the doctor because health insurance cost money and therefore going to the doctor cost money. 

1. 3.      It affects your relationships because your life is out of balance due to the fact that you are  too busy trying to figure out how to make money, that you don’t nurture yourself in other ways.  This affects your mental health and attitude which also affects your relationships, with those closest to you.    

1. 4.      It affects your ability to serve because when your own basic needs are not met, it’s hard to focus on someone else’s needs. 

1. 5.      You are always fighting  to hold on to your joy and peace.  It’s hard to enjoy life when you are always fighting.

I do have some advice if you are “broke” right now.  It’s a weird thing that happens when you are broke.  Even though you should be applying for jobs and such; you can fall into such a pit of self despair that you are frozen like a deer in headlights.  I would encourage you that you have an enemy of your soul named Lucifer (Satan) and when you have severe financial challenges, his one and only goal is to keep you stuck.  He wants you to be frozen like a deer in headlights.  It is very important that you be very defiant against this tactic by taking steps to do what you know will help with your financial situation.  I would say getting a job, if you don’t already have one is the best step.  If you already have a job, maybe get a second part-time job.  Maybe you have little ones at home.  Well, if that’s the case, maybe add to your posse, during the day, by offering babysitting services to other young children.  I would not recommend trying to start a business, if you are already broke.  Not as your first priority.  I know this probably goes against what “life coaches” might say on Social Media.  But research shows that it’s very hard to think creatively when you don’t have income coming in.  Research indicates that those who want to start a business should not quit their day jobs.  Financial problems can really interfere with your ability to think creatively.