Thursday, March 31, 2011

The skill of knowing and loving yourself

After almost 4 years of being a mom I can honestly make the following statements:
  1. I'm beautiful and I believe I get more and more beautiful everyday.  I love it!!
  2. I'm more "me" than I have ever been
  3. I really like myself a lot!
Many of us have mastered the skills of being hard and critical on ourselves, as well as comparing ourselves to others.   I have been there and done that and it gets me nowhere.  That's it!

Wednesday, March 30, 2011

Scattered thoughts on Schedules and Being yourself or not?

I actually have to topics today.  Sorry if I sound scatter brained.  It's because I am!!

One thing I'm learning is that a schedule can be a lifesaver when your young child stops napping.  It shows you that the day has a "Beginning"  and even more importantly "AN END"  There are times when my days at home with my 3 year old feel so long.  I try to avoid that by having a schedule posted and incorporating at least one errand into the schedule.  Today, I need to go to the grocery store and maybe the library.  I do have a lot of learning activities planned for Noah today, thank God for that!  It is suppose to be a rainy day.

Today I was complaining to my hubby as I normally do about how him and my daughter are early birds and I'm not.  But I feel like I'm force into getting up early, just because everybody else does.  My husband was up at 7 something every morning on our honeymoon in Hawaii.  I remember thinking "Oh my gosh, what have a gotten myself into?" "Is this what I get to look forward to for the rest of my life?"  The answer to that second question seems to be "yes".  Almost 5 years into marriage.  I started to think about Jesus and the scripture below:

2 Corinthians 8:9
For you know the grace of our Lord Jesus Christ, that though He was rich, yet for your sakes He became poor, that you through His poverty might become rich.


Jesus was living in heaven with God.  The scripture above says "he was rich".  But for our sakes became poor.  Jesus put on the likes of corrupted human flesh to save us.  He was walking around with nothing becoming about him at all.  He became that way for us.  If you read the accounts of Jesus after the resurrection, He is a magnificent sight in all his splendor.  He is royalty, being in holy union with God Himself.

My point for myself is:  Jesus wasn't poor, but He became poor.
I'm not an early bird but I can be one for my family. 

Monday, March 28, 2011

What kind of family???

I really struggle with what type of family my husband wants to be and how to conform to that.  He likes me at home full time with our daughter.  I'm at home full-time and she is in school 2 full days a week.  I have really gone back and forth with the idea of homeschooling, but I think my husband favors her being in school.  I'm sure he has his reasons.  I just don't know what they are yet.  I have a lot of concern about school today and the culture we live in and I feel like we could have more control over my daughter's sphere of influence at home. I feel like she is going to be presented with things at a very young age that she won't be ready to process quite yet.  I feel like she could get a solid grounding if we kept her at home for awhile so that when approached with certain situations outside of home she will have developed a solid foundation for who she is and won't be as easily swayed.  I would love for us to take the path less traveled and allow an overpass for some of the issues that come along with being in school during adolescence and such.  My husband might think she will become a stronger person for having gone to school rather than being at home.  I'm not so convinced...............

Lonely Sometimes

You can feel lonely even though you are not alone.  My 3 year old daughter is great company, it's just that on Monday it's just her and I normally during the day.  During the week, my greatest responsibility lies; Educating my daughter, teaching her about God, and making sure she is getting what she needs nutrition wise.  I am the one solely in charge of her learning, recreation, social, and resting time.  I think the reason it feels so lonely, is because Monday faces me like a mountain that I don't know if I can climb.  By the grace of God I climb it every week but it's too  great a task for me, I need God.  My daughter goes to school 2 full days a week now.  She is only 3 years old, but I'm really hoping and praying I can homeschool her. I believe it is the best choice, I just don't know if I can handle it.  My husband and I are praying about it.  I believe the way our culture is today.  You have to go out of our way as parents to be the main influence in our childrens' lives before they become adults.  I know it would take for God to use my husband to confirm homeschool is what He wants for our family, for me to be convince that I'm capable of it. 

Friday, March 25, 2011

Routines

It is amazing to me how much little one's need their routines.  It seems they thrive best when on a regular schedule.  Honestly, one of the blessings that has come from becoming a mom is that my life is now on a routine.  I didn't have that before.  Now, I will admit it can get a little boring sometimes.  I even have to switch it up at times so I can stay productive.  But for the most part I think having a routine and sticking to it is good for adults as well.  I believe your routine has to fit your personality and the personality of your child.  Having a daily routine has been a God-send for myself and my daughter.  Even though my daughter is in school 2 days a week, I still do a homeschool curriculum with her, when she is home and I am still toying with the idea of homeschooling.  I think she would do well, I just don't know if I would survive it.  We are moving soon and I don't have a new preschool lined up yet, so maybe this will be an opportunity to see if homeschool is a "go" or a definite "no". 

Wednesday, March 23, 2011

"Just doing me"

"Just doing me"; I heard myself make this statement today, and I said to myself "hmm-m-m-"  I realized this was true.  As women in life we tend to want to compare ourselves to other women.  whether it's clothes, hair, ministry, family, child rearing, homemaking, housekeeping, career.  But the bible says in 2 Cor 10:12:

For we dare not class ourselves or compare ourselves with those who commend themselves. But they, measuring themselves by themselves, and comparing themselves among themselves, are not wise.

If we use Jesus Christ as our standard, we will see that we could never measure up and that would free us up to just be ourselves and let Christ work through us.  It felt good making this statement "Just doing me".  Because I am finally at a place in my life where I really don't want to "be" like anybody else.  I like who I am, I actually enjoy who I am.  I love the person I am becoming more and more everyday.   

Tuesday, March 22, 2011

"Cut out" for Being a housewife

-Being a housewife is for the women who believes that her contribution to the home far outweighs anyone else's.
-Being a housewife is not for the women who believes that she and her husband are equals inside and outside the home.
-Being a housewife is not for the women who believes her contribution outside the home is just as important or more important than her contribution inside the home.
-Being a housewife is not for the women that thinks her monetary contribution to the home is anywhere near as valuable as bringing love, care, and nourishment to the home.

I am not saying staying-at-home full-time is "right" or "wrong".  I'm just saying that to commit to it and be successful at it, you have to be of a certain mind.  Nobody wants to choose to devote so much of their time to something they don't feel successful at or "cut out" for.  If you make the decision for become a full-time housewife, if you are going to be happy, you have to believe you were somehow made and gifted with strengths for such a task.  You have to believe that you are more gifted than your spouse to carry out such a task.  To be successful at it, you can't be divided on the issue.  I'm saying all this because there are many days you don't "feel" successful or you don't "feel" like you are making a "significant" enough contribution, but on the contrary you have to believe, despite how you feel, that you will be successful in this because you are "cut out" for it and that you are making the most valuable contribution to your home and family.

Turning Inward (Ramblings)

When I turn inward:
I hear birds tweeting.
I dream of the possibilities of life
The possibilities of decorating our home
The possibilities of enhancing the life of our children
The possibilities of going to culinary school
The possibilities of starting a garden where my flowers are thriving instead of dying
The possibilities of discovering something new about who I am
The possibilities of dreams being awakened that I didn't know were there
The possibility of adding something deep and meaningful to the life of others
The possibility of intimacy by relating to another person's deepest fears and deepest longings
The possibility of discovery
Turning inward


I believe in fully embracing each season of one's life, even when it's difficult.  Why?  Because when you do, possibilities start to surface.  There are great possibilities in every season of a person's life.  I have changed so much from the person I use to be, and it's becoming rather exciting because I wonder where this is going.  I long to do things I never thought I would care so much about.  What has God intended?  I think when you stop trying to control life and let God be in control, you will surprised at what occurs! 

Thursday, March 17, 2011

What's life about?

Today I was thinking about my life and how there are things that I really love doing but can't can't give my "all" to those things or have my life to revolve around them.  There are people out there that make their "business" their life.  There are people out there that make their "family" their life.  There are people out there that make "being healthy" there life.  There are people out there that make their "job" their life.  It's so tempting for me to pick something that I enjoy some much I want to make my life about that thing, but I can't.  It made me think of Acts 17:28
"In Him, I live and move and have my being".

My life is about whatever God want's it to be about at any given time.  That changes from day to day.  Having young children, obviously means tending to my home and my family take a big chunk of that.  But sometimes, I go outside the home and family and get to do something else that I really enjoy, like Zumba!  Then when I get to do it, I just want to do it all the time.  But I realize that God has given me a certain balance in my life.  In this present stage of life, He gives me success in my home; helping my husband, teaching my daughter, and keep house; and I have a sprinkle of some of the fun stuff outside the home.  But I would like to do more to stay in shape.  I'm getting older, so I'm hoping I get to do Zumba once a week.

Wednesday, March 16, 2011

Getting over mommy guilt.

When I first become a mom I was so plagued with mommy guilt if I wasn't spending every minute focused on my baby.
When I first started having to discipline my daughter, I felt so guilty as well.

Now, I am very thankful because I've finally got to a place where I feel good taking time to myself because I know I she is getting enough of my focus and attention.

Now, I am thankful to know that because I love, cherish, and protect her I also have the God given right to discipline her when necessary.

I am very thankful to be over the mommy guilt in these particular areas.  Feels good.

Tuesday, March 15, 2011

Excited about cleaning bathrooms (weird right?)

As a homemaker, I have to learn to take a lot of pride in keeping my home.  I'm still in the beginnings of that process but I'm making progress. I'm very excited about some things I'm going to do to spruce up my bathroom cleaning today.  First of all, I'm am going to clean my shower with fresh lemon juice.  I read in an article that if you juice 6 lemons and put in a spray bottle, it's great for cleaning and freshening showers.  Our master bathroom seems to always need more freshening than the others.  I am also going to make a paste our of baking soda and lemon juice to clean the shower drain.  My husband doesn't really understand while I ever feel the need to clean the drain, but I know a lot of grime gets in there that causes odors.  Just built up scum.  I think it's good to get in there once of twice a year.  If you are going to take joy in keeping your home fresh you can't be intimidated by unsightly places.  That's why I always suit up with latex gloves and a surgical masks when cleaning our bathrooms.  After my shower is fresh, the third thing I'm doing to spruce up my bathroom cleaning is a homemade toilet bowel freshner using baking soda, White vinegar, and Eucholyptus oil.  I'm so excited. 

Monday, March 14, 2011

Happen Naturally

I had started a homeschool program with my daughter Noah, when she was 2.  Even though she didn't officially need to be in school.  It went very well! She enjoyed it very much.  Eventually we did end up putting her in a "Children's Center" 2 full days a week.  Homeschooling was getting to be a little much for me.  I can't help but wonder if it wasn't because I wasn't letting it just come naturally???  We are still doing a home school curriculum for the 2 days we are at home.  We are letting it happen more naturally. It's not proving to be too much on me like it was before.  We are using a home school curriculum along with hooked on phonics.  Eventually being in school is still the plan, but if we let things happens a little more naturally, lets see where we end up.

Friday, March 11, 2011

Seasons

Raising young children is a very distinct season in a woman's life.  Especially if you are a stay-at-home mom.  I am, so that's the perspective I write from.  When my daughter is home.  I'm on duty literally, from about 6:45am to about 5pm.  Even when she is napping, I'm "on duty".  That's how it is with you children, even when you are not actively engaged with them you are still "on duty".  You have to be available to them with their various needs and try to be in tune with those needs.  I am finding the more you accept this and don't try to fight the current, the better it goes.  Sometimes we try to fight the current in indirect ways.  Like for instance, a lot of times I'm too tired to go out with girlfriends, or even leave the house in the evening to get a break.  I use to force myself but I was so tired I couldn't enjoy it.  Now I just accept that this is the season I'm in.  It's not really a season for girl's night's out.  Of coarse I would love to put on heels and have makeup in place everyday but it's not the season for that.  Sometimes because I'm "on duty" I kind of sit around at my computer just waiting for the next need from my daughter to come up, or waiting until I have enough energy to complete my next chore.  I use to feel like "wow, I should be doing something more with my life".   But I don't feel like that anymore because it's just the season of life that I'm in right now.

Confession

I have been slacking on having a solid schedule for my daughter.  I know some of the issues we have been dealing with are because of that.  I have tried in the past but she has fought me on it and I just didn't know if she was ready for such structure.  But now I know we both need it.  So I have a created a schedule for us that will help us reduce T.V. time, give us more structure, and help me be more productive during the day.  Truth be told, I use my daughter as an excuse for my own laziness sometimes.  The schedule is below:


Daily Schedule

6:30am – 7:00am – Wake Up/T.V.

7:00am – 8:00am – Breakfast and Free Play (Coloring)

8:00am – 9:00am – T.V. (Chores for me, clean kitchen, Make Bed, load of laundry)

9:00am – 10:00am – Learning/School Time

10:00am – 11:00am – Bathe and Wash Hair

11:00am – 12:00pm – Active Play time (music, games, running around)

12:00pm – 1:00pm – Lunchtime/T.V.

1:00pm – 2:00pm – Quiet Time (Reading)

2:00pm – 3:00pm – Nap Time

3:00pm – 4:00pm – Snack & Active Play

4:00pm – 5:00pm – Playdoh or painting/table activity (while I cook dinner)
5:00pm – 6:00pm – Dinner (no t.v.)

This is just a rough start I will revise as necessary and I will report on my findings.  This blog keep me accountable.  

Wednesday, March 9, 2011

Survival

Dear Lord,

I struggle to get through each and everyday now and I can't do it without your strength.  Your joy is my strength Lord, because I can get joy or strength joy from anywhere else.  So I pray that I abide in your strength and joy today.  Holy Spirit help me.

Amen

Monday, March 7, 2011

Just life

The area of my life I need to work on the most right now is being able to accept and be away of the constant changes that take place in my family life.  But I also need to work on not being offended by my own weaknesses and shortcomings.  I get offended by my own shortcomings and it causes me to not accept responsibility when I need to and keep me from moving forward when I make a mistake.  All of this can certainly keep you from making progress in life. 

Saturday, March 5, 2011

Suffering Relationship

As I typed the title of this post I thought about how, I've heard people sometimes refer to Jesus Christ as "The Suffering Servant".  It's very appropriate because He is who this particular post is about.  I feel like my relationship with Jesus Christ has hit a bit of a dry spell.  I remember a time where my relationship with Him was close, intimate, vibrant, and loud.  Now it seems distant and quiet.  Although it feels distant now, I don't believe it is.  I believe we are even more intimate, now that I don't "feel" it as much, as we have ever been.  The quietness.................well, I see God's obvious hand in my life and sense His obvious direction on a daily basis.  So maybe I'm a lot more quiet these days, not God.  Maybe the "quietness" in my life is more of a settling. It makes me think of the scripture below.

1 Peter 5:10
10 But may[a] the God of all grace, who called us[b] to His eternal glory by Christ Jesus, after you have suffered a while, perfect, establish, strengthen, and settle you.

As I reflect on my past.  I realize my life was so chaotic and turbulent, that having a more settled and peaceful life could be something the triggers a lot of resistance.  There are certain habits and decisions we can make in life while we are young that can really work against the peace and calm we want to experience later in life.  If we constantly subject ourselves to toxic situations we are not only robbing ourselves or a present peace but also of a later peace. Below are the different definitions of the word "Settle"

: to place so as to stay
  : to establish in residence b : to furnish with inhabitants : colonize
  : to cause to pack down b : to clarify by causing dregs or impurities to sink
: to make quiet or orderl
  : to fix or resolve conclusively <settle the question> b : to establish or secure permanently <settle the order of royal succession> c : to conclude (a lawsuit) by agreement between parties usually out of court d : to close (as an account) by payment often of less than is due
: to arrange in a desired position
: to make or arrange for final disposition of <settled his affairs>
 
Once God settles  you, it's a good idea to stay settled and not try to stir up affairs in your life.  Although if like me, you have lived a very chaotic life, out there in the world doing almost everything and anything; living a "settled" life can take years to get use to.   

Wednesday, March 2, 2011

Heart of Home

Mom is definitely the heart of the home.  When mom is down and out it's hard for the household to maintain it's energy.  I've noticed this especially in my husband when I'm not feeling well.  It just shows how much wives and husbands share the different burdens of raising a family.  It gets heavy on my husband mentally and emotionally when I don't feel well for an extended period of time (more than 2 days).  I am realizing that I am his partner and he needs me to be well.  I'm praying that God will get through this current allergy attack and to start feeling good again.  My husband needs me. 

Tuesday, March 1, 2011

Praying to God for energy

My allergies have been acting up like crazy this week, I'm actually going to start looking for some natural alternatives to use to combat them.  The neti-pot tends to make my allergies worst.  But right now, I'm just praying to God for the energy to clean my kitchen and have a good day with my daughter tomorrow.  I've had a rough week and I really just want to enjoy my day tomorrow.  But ultimately I need to trust God, I just really want to feel better than normal and I want to have a fun productive day tomorrow:)

Monthly mood cycles.

I am tracking my monthly mood cycles because I am trying to better discern when I need to change things up in my routine as opposed to pressing through it.  It's March 1st and I'm feeling like I'm on a hamster wheel
AGAIN with my life.  I'm starting to numb up and feel like a robot.  Not really feeling engaged in life, but rather just doing life.  I still recognize God's miraculous hand in things but I'm thinking this is on  of those times I have to switch things up a bit.  Although life is hard I believe in being completely engaged in the life that God has given us and I believe in life being completely felt.  Feeling the pain of the "hard times", the joy of the "good times", the blah's of the "so-so" times.  It all has purpose.  I think the challenge of switching things up is doing so while staying in the realm of responsibility.  Even harder to do when you have young children.  Determining what you can let go of for a time and what you shouldn't "let go".
Housecleaning is one of those things you can let go of a little bit
Cooking, I don't like to let go of.
I don't know what else but I will figure it out.

I'm signing off.  Gotta do my budget.  Something I can't let go of.

 

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